If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
well you can't waste a boner
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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