and she was petting her beer can
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
