its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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