Swine flu. Run for my life!
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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