You smell like stripper and shame
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
