just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
