but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
