that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
