No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize