im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
