I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
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