didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
