hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
