Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
