just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
worst night to have a conscience
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize