Rock
Scissors
Fuck
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
