your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
