k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
her facebook's as public as her vagina
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
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