She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
