Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize