You're a womanizer and a bitch.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
