I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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