it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Randomize
