i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
