I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
