i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
