I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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