oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
