I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
