It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
