Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize