When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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