at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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