made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
