Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
