Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
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