He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize