Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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