Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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