Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
i believe in u and ur pee
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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