youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
