oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
dude i'm inner monologue high
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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