i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
