That's intense
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
