why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
