i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
