Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
