Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize