Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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