i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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