I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
