He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
