it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
