You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I need a beard to bite.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
