so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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