dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
