i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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