so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
