Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
