dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
