we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
