it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
