Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
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