You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
two words...techno handjob
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
