I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
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