this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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