if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I want you more than these girls want KFC
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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