I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
