her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
