Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
