i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
