so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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