new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You pole danced in your parka.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
