very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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