Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
