I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
