I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
